March 2010


Instead of trolling the internet for weird and/or funny bullshit, I’ve decided to challenge myself. You know, do something I wouldn’t normally do and then write a blog about it, detailing my journey. Good or bad.

It seems mundane at first glance, I suppose. However, it is a new year and so far, 2010 has been rather uneventful.

Anyways, with that out of the way…

I’ve watched this YouTube video about a dozen times tonight. If you’re a LOST fan, it should crack you up and it will probably scare you at the same time. Why? Because of how fucking catchy it is! God damn…*hums*Sawyer, Sawyer, Locke!

After watching that video, I roamed YouTube in search of more LOST spoof’s. Unfortunately, there aren’t too many. At least, there aren’t too many funny ones. The couple that I did find can be located here.

The video I originally wanted to post required that I sign up for YouTube because, apparently, it contains adult content.

So, after spending a good 20 minutes signing up for a stupid account (by the way, most of that time was spent wondering why there’s a handicap sign next to the capatcha thing)…

I’m finally able to post this video!
OH! And no thanks to the Tosh.0 Blog for making posting that video a nightmare as well. I tried to find a loophole so I didn’t have to sign up for a YouTube account and thought I could find the answers there because they always seem to be one step ahead and had posted this video yesterday or the day before….

Okay, enjoy the stupid video.

Just one more thing, that video is supposed to be all clips from LOST obviously, but I’m pretty sure one of the parts with Josh Holloway in it was from his Davidoff Cool Water commercial.

So I was perusing through the Tosh.0 Blog when I came upon that video.

I would just like to say that it isn’t very apt. Okay, sure, we all know that one day we’ll be working for those nerdy kids we picked on in high school (well, not me because I was one of those nerdy kids. Suck it graduating class of ‘07!). The thing is, nerds still aren’t very cool. It’s a highly stylized version of the nerd that’s cool.

The term is called “Geeked Up”. If you’re wearing skinny jeans, a shirt that says “I’d Rather Be Jerkin’”, colorful high top sneakers and some thick rimmed glasses…you’re probably pretty cool. But at the same time, you probably don’t know you’re ass from a hole in the ground.

True nerds will never be cool. I’m pretty sure it’s in the Ten Commandments.

You know the one, “Thou shalt be cruel to thy nerdy peers”. Even though computer savvy geek’s are ruling the world through blogs and social networking sites, they will forever be picked on by brain dead jocks who still live at home.

I guess it’s all good though. Seeing as how we’ll be getting the last laugh.

[Mashable.]

A couple month’s ago, I was going through a box of old homework shit from my Freshman year in high school. I stumbled upon an essay I wrote entitled “My Day With Frodo Baggins”. It was pretty funny, somewhat poorly written, but still funny. Then again, maybe the poor writing made it even funnier…? Ah, who knows.

Anyways, it got me thinking about all the people I encounter on a daily basis at work. I would rather not talk to them or spend time with very many people at all. I have a select few that I don’t mind talking to everyday or seeing everyday. However, I despise most people and I’m sure they despise me. I think it would be an honor to spend the day with a fictional character out of one of my beloved books.

Imagine going on an adventure with Frodo. Or maybe indulging in some ultra-violence with Alex from “A Clockwork Oragne”? Perhaps you would rather spend the day snogging and drinking Felix Felicis with Harry Potter? In any case, fictional people are far more interesting and entertaining than the drab people who live around us. Especially if you’re an artistic and creative person living in a suburb where no one understands you because you’re too smart for them.

If I were to rewrite that essay today, reflecting on who I am nowadays, I would probably spend the day with The Sandman from Neil Gaiman’s graphic novel series. He seems a like a right good fellow, yeah? The character’s history is deep and beautiful. Definitely someone you could spend hours, even days, conversing with.

So, what fictitious character would you spend the day with?

It’s hard to believe just how insanely popular Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland” has been! Well, I shouldn’t really go that far…I mean it is Tim Burton. But that’s beside the point. I waited in line for almost 2 hours in the pouring rain yesterday to see this damn film. Not to mention a wannabe 16 year old drag queen cut me in line. I wasn’t entirely disappointed, but I wasn’t really in love with it.

The only reason I would consider going to see it again or watch it again is for the tea party scene. The Hare was hysterical! He reminded me of me after a long night with no sleep and OTC med’s! Oh, he was a viable hoot!

Now, we all now Johnny Depp is a “character” actor, however this may have been one of his worst character’s EVAR. I guess he was supposed to be Scottish? But he was only Scottish half the time. Then he was Jack Sparrow, then he was Johnny Depp, then he was Willy Wonka. I’m beginning to wonder if Mr.Depp really knows his own identity these days.

Exquisitely beautiful and large nerd hearts for Alan Rickman and Christopher Lee. They were the next best parts from the movie besides the Hare (and remember, they only did voices!).

Anyways, the movie was “ehhh”. Hopefully Burton’s next film will be far better.

Oh, and one more thing….

[SPOILER ALERT?] what the fuck was the deal with Mad Hatter’s “Futterwacken” dance at the end? It was like a weird cross between a touchdown jig and breakin’. So i renamed it the “Fuckin-Wanker” dance.

In t-minus 10 hours, I will be sitting in an uncomfortable (most likely) movie theater seat waiting for Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland (in 3D none the less)…to begin. I’ve heard, from two sources that I trust, that the movie is downright awful. Could it be? I think yes. I already know I’m going to hate it. I know, I know… “keep an open mind”, but let’s be serious. Has Mr. Burton not sold out in the past few years? I mean, I thought “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” was alright. Meaning, I thought the colors were pretty. But it wasn’t the best.

I honestly think that hearing the name Tim Burton makes people brainwashed zombies and makes them think that what they’re watching is an instant classic. Which isn’t always the case. Over the past year, I’ve become very picky with my movie choices…and I admit, I’m probably the worst person to go the movies with because of that.

If I hate this film, I swear to God…if people applaud at the end, I will not hesitate to start a “conversation” with them asking them to describe in detail why they liked the film so much. I bet you anything they will say “Uhm…because it was cool.”

They will not get away with this…